Separation City

Straight after I saw this movie I sent my girlfriend a text saying - "You have to see 'Separation City', it'll totally f**k you up!" Her reply: "Um... not quite the lure I look for in a movie". Fair feedback. Her text made me laugh out loud but it also left me with a sense of twisted nostalgia for the days when we were both dark and stormy and she would've understood exactly why she needed to see this film. But fortunately for her, now it's just me who's dark and stormy and she's made like a butterfly and transformed into a happily married earth mother. But enough about us, I want to give you a better reason to see this movie than I gave to her.

And there are plenty of reasons to see this movie...

'Separation City' is a film about marriage in our generation and about the challenge of staying connected throughout the ups and downs of a long term relationship. This film exposes the harsh lesson we all learn when we become old enough to realise that falling in love is the easy part, it's staying in love that's tricky.

The film follows Simon (Joel Edgerton) and his marriage to Pam (played by the talented Danielle Cormack) who both live in a smug house in suburban Wellington with their two children. A few years into the marriage, as Simon begins to feel increasingly 'ordinary', and with their sex life on hold, he begins an infatuation with Pam's friend Katrien who is a cellist by profession (played by British actress Rhona Mitra most well known for her TV roles in 'Boston Legal' and 'Nip and Tuck'). Katrien has just split from her adulterous husband Klaus and with both their egos in need of a little stroking, Pam and Simon began some dangerous flirtation.

So, back to why you should see this film...

Reason number 1: Almost all of the performances are impressive, particularly those of Joel, Danielle, and Rhona. Their performances are genuine, raw, and believable and more than make up for the overacting from Underbelly's Les Hill who plays Simon's best mate, Harry.

Reason number 2: 'Separation City' is a topical movie about our generation and the growing disillusionment with the institution of marriage. And who doesn't wonder how their relationship is going to feel in two/five/ten years time?

I wasn't really expecting to enjoy this movie - partly because I was starting to feel a bit "movied out" since I started writing this blog, and partly because it was a kiwi movie and I always feel like I'm watching a b-grade soap opera when I hear a New Zealand accent up on the big screen (and I can say that because I live with a Kwi!). But I was hooked right from the opening scene at Simon and Pam's wedding (set in a stunning location high on a cliff in New Zealand) when Simon gazes around at the attendees and wonders whether anyone there is actually happy in their relationship. Based on happenings and opinions shared in my own social circle, I am always surprised by the statistics that suggest marriage is coming back into vogue in Australia. And after watching the film so effectively portray the seemingly inevitable decline into the routine and mundane aspects of cohabitation, I am even more perplexed.

Reason number 3: "Separation City" offers some insights into the more challenging aspects of long term relationships that people seem reluctant to discuss. My girlfriends and I call it the 'marriage code of silence' - we share every unflattering and unfair detail about 'the boyfriend' but as soon as he becomes 'the husband', any real conversation about the relationship seems to be suddenly taboo. For example, I'm often curious to ask my married friends about what happens to a relationship after you spend every night together for 5 years? Or what happens to your sex life after 2 kids and sleepless nights and lots of pooey nappies? But I always think better of it for fear of making us both uncomfortable. But what I loved about watching this film is that it allows you to be a voyeur into exactly that scenario...and the result for me was definitely discomfort!

Reason number 4: 'Separation City' cleverly explores the fact that familiarity in relationships breeds both security and insecurity. There's a great line when Simon is watching Katrien from a distance as he watches one of her concerts with his wife and he says to himself: "She was beautiful in a way that only someone you don't know can be". This is the scary paradox that familiarity brings. Through Simon and Katrien, the film explores the temptation of other people and whether a secure marriage can withstand unfaithfulness. It made me think about the fact that when it comes to unfaithfulness, people seem to worry most about the possibility that someone might come into their partner's life that is funnier, more attractive, more interesting than they are. But interestingly, the more likely scenario is that someone could come into your partner's life who simply makes them feel funnier, or feel more attractive, or feel more interesting than you make them feel. And this should give us all some comfort because this is the aspect within our control i.e. you can't control the fact that some random and gorgeous Katrien-like creature might drop into your partner's life, but you can control how self confident and comfortable he feels in his own life choices when this happens.

Reason number 5: This movie highlights the different experiences that two people can have in the same relationship. This point was perfectly illustrated when my boyfriend turned to me at the end of the movie to ask me what I thought and I said through teary eyes " that was so depressing" and he said "oh I thought it was optimistic and uplifting"! But as we talked more about the film over dinner I started to come around to his perspective - and that if going into a relationship - or god forbid a marriage - knowing all that might happen, and still being committed to find a way isn't inspiring then what is? And the power of forgiveness, of acceptance, of understanding someone else's choices even when they are hurtful, and of taking some accountability for the hurtful decisions your partner might make, is all testament to the optimism of the human spirit. Especially when it comes to relationships! And rather than focus on the sad possibility that you might fall out of love, focus on the exciting possibility that you could fall back in love with that same person over and over again.

In short, I loved this movie for all the reasons I highlighted. The drawbacks for me were minor but included some of the "over performances" I referenced, as well as the fact that at times, it felt like the film was trying a little too hard by stuffing too many witty one liners into the one scene. But as writer Tom Scott said during an interview for a NZ talk show - "This is a film for anyone who's ever been in love, ever fallen out of love, or ever been told someone is no longer in love with them" - and I tend to agree. And whilst the film covers the pretty serious and sometimes taboo subject of unhappy marriages, there are plenty of laughs to be had along the way. But be warned, for anyone who has a tendency to over analyse their own relationship - as I warned my girlfriend - this movie could seriously f*** you up!

• Tom Scott (political journalist and one of New Zealand's most loved satirical cartoonists) penned the first draft of the script 20 years ago!
• The producer Paul Middleditch is much more well known for producing big ads rather than big movies. Some of his more well known Australian ads include the 'big beer' ad for Carlton Draught, and the latest ad campaign for ANZ including the 'credit card fraud squad'.
• Apparently stunner Rhona Mitra agreed to be in Separation City after falling in love with New Zealand when filming a previous film in NZ, she has said she got into acting for travel!